“…..so what will 2012 bring for me, what do I want to manifest in 2012 and how will I go about that…..I have a big blank canvas before me, paint brushes in hand and I’m ready to begin….”
Famous last words of my new year’s blog 12 months ago…so did I pick up my paint brushes? did I create a masterpiece with that blank canvas? Mmmmm, I doubt I’ll be winning the Archibald Prize for my creation although I did produce a colourful work of art. Perhaps not worthy of a place on my wall as it was hardly spectacular so I’ll just file it in my box of memories for future reference.
So lets see, two more trips to Bali certainly added texture to my life. One trip saw me plotting and scheming to retire there, build a little house and spend my time between Oz and Bali. I did so love the beauty of Bali life in Ubud, the spiritual vibrancy of the small island and the people, the food and the lifestyle wasn’t too bad either.
Oh what a difference a few months can make because by the time I’d returned 7 months later, all thoughts of living there seemed to escape from my mind entirely, in fact to be honest, I have no plans to return in the near future. It seems the wind blew a fierce gale over me and spun me around full circle so that my compass was once again pointing back to Oz.
So despite the sudden turnaround in plans, I’;ll put this one on the ‘highlights’ side of my revision page for 2012.
On the day I was leaving Bali on the previous trip I was offered work back in Oz and accepted and although the people I work with are just great, the people I deal with are quirky, the job itself provides little stimulation to my mind. So it could be said I’ve just cruised along in that role this year all made possible by the fact that’s I’m filling in for someone on maternity leave, so it’s not ‘forever’. So I’ll give this one the benefit of the doubt and I’ll plonk it on the ‘highlights’ side of the page too! After all having an income without any real effort has to be a positive.
Next up Graduation, yes I graduated finally after completing an intensive 13 week training program in 2011 but due to a cyclone and a subsequent job offer I found myself being relocated further down the coast for a time and missed the graduation that year. So 12 months on I graduated with the new recruits and am now working casually in that voluntary role. This job might not have any monetary return but it sure does pack a punch in the stimulation stakes so into the ‘highlights’ this will go.
A distinct highlight has been my deepening friendship with my beloved Sai sisters. Our evolving relationships are an absolute joy along with the feeling of being enriched through my return to the ‘fold’ of the Sai Baba Organization. It’s been a long time between Bhajans, maybe 10 years but all things come full circle in time and so this has come to pass.
I can’t tell you how much fun we had when four of us travelled together to Toowoomba earlier this year to the Sai Women’s Retreat . Rather than stay at the venue like the majority of other devotees, we opted to get ourselves a motel room in town and if you’d been in the room next door you would have surely thought there were 4 giggly schoolgirls in our room. Such was the frivolity that I felt like I was 16 again and I’d been given my parent’s permission to have the biggest sleepover!!
And to think if we’d stayed at the Retreat venue we would have had to have lights out at 9pm, far out, we would have been in big trouble for sure. We were so wound up and so full of excitement and so full of bliss. This goes to the top of my ‘highlight’s list for sure!
As for the lows for 2012, well I had em too, and they almost entirely centred around changing friendships. A good friend move overseas to live which heralded an end of our many brisk walks down Sheridan St around dusk for happy hour at the casino and a couple of glasses of bubbles. Dinner would follow in that God aweful restaurant that is more akin to a ‘coles cafeteria’ environment. The meals were pretty much always the same, ‘ordinary’ to say the least. Roast of the day was always beef so why the hell advertise it as roast of the day, everyday was groundhog day there!! This one goes into the ‘negatives for 2012’ not because of the meals but because a great friend has moved on to greener pastures.
Then there were another couple of friends who had to drop off my Christmas card list de to a conflict of interests…it tough when morals and values override friendships. There’s no easy way to deal with a situation like this. Someone always looses. I stand very tall with my values and in the end the compromise just wasn’t worth it which sends this experience right down into that ‘negatives of 2012’ side.
I’ve been doing a lot of reflection of late as the year draws to a close and I’ve come to the conclusion that 2012 was an ok year, nothing extraordinary and yet many valuable lessons were leaned…well actually I’m still learning with some of them!
I always get a bit frantic as the end of the year draws near as I don’t want to have unfinished bushiness as I sail on into the new year and a new cycle. Am I on top of it this year, I think so, written lists, I’ve reflected on the highs and the low, I’ve mapped out a rough plan for 2013 and I’ve created the intention that it is evolving, flexible, without boundaries, and I have given myself permission to edit the blueprint as my journey unfolds.
What;s on the radar for me in 2013? Travel, travel and then some more travel is what dominates my treasure map for 2013. How if unfolds isn’t really important, what matters is that I am finally letting go of SE Asia, it’s not longer my priority, I’ve been there and one that many times over and I’m ready to spread my wings.
India/Norway/Amsterdam, one trip not three is the big one currently on the horizon. Somehow I have a sneaking suspicion that once I get to Europe, I’ll be plotting and scheming once again, cause I’m pretty darned good at that. It’s all subject to the way the wind blows of course with me. 🙂
As for resolutions, I don’t do them, gave them up years ago. I don’t subscribe to the idea that this year will be better than the last either. Everything that happens, does so for a reason. I’m more into learning from any given experience and then I know I wont have to repeat it again. Why put your faith in this year being better than the last because it it’s not, then all you do is set yourself up for disappointment. I prefer to take it as it comes, some years are better than others and that’s life!
Yin and yang, everything’s about balance. I can only experience joy because I’ve known sorrow, I can experience happiness because I’ve known sadness, I experience pleasure because I’ve known pain and as for love, well I experience love of many levels such is the complexity of that emotion that does at times escape me entirely!!!
So I’m ready to say adios amigo, au revoir, sayonara, ciao and goodbye 2012, you’ve been a good companion, a fairly reliable acquaintance but it’s time to move on.
And I’m reminded of profound piece of writing, one that touche my soul to the very depth of it’s core when I first read it many years ago and it still stirs me deeply in much the same way today……..
“The Invitation” is a declaration of intent, a map into the longing of the soul, the desire to live passionately, face to face with ourselves and skin to skin with the world around us…..from The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your hearts longing.
If doesn’t interest me how old your are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by lifes’ betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself, if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul, if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it’s not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from it’s presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours or mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon ‘yes!’
It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.
it doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
Oriah Mountain Dreamer 1999
May 2012 pass gently and your new year begin with a bang!